Better Not Love Me Page 6

  Fifteen years later a massive pine tree fell on the deck, and he assisted his dad in the demolition and rebuild. The process was the same both times. The men systematically removed the decking foundations and rebuilt the structure in sections using the old structure for support and as a guide. An engineer would have laughed at the practice; but it’s what Nate knew, so that’s how he decided to do it this time too.

  The second thing Nate had on his side was time. He was in no hurry at all. In fact, the longer he could stay at the cabin doing this project or anything else, the better off he’d be. He had no specific return date to his post at Riddell. And he didn’t know if the same job would be waiting for him when he returned anyway. Never in his life had he been without a job. He called it a leave of absence when he left, but the company had nothing in its Human Resources policies that allowed such a thing. His boss, a man named Graham Barnes, approved the leave with the caveat that if he was needed, he could be called back. Nate had so much vacation time that he was technically just taking days off, but it didn’t feel that simple to him. It felt permanent and very different than anything he’d done before.

  Since the age of 13 Nate had held a job. His father demanded it. He received no allowance or pay for any work around the house, so he had to find work in the neighborhood if he wanted any spending money. He’d shovel walks, weed garden beds, wash windows or trim hedges for the elderly ladies in the neighborhood. He'd be lucky to get paid a few dollars for his efforts. On a good day, they'd offer him some lemonade before he headed off to his next job.

  He worked through high school flipping burgers after school and on weekends. He got free burgers and fries and that was the only real benefit. The experience was awful, but he learned a valuable lesson: the higher you went in management, the fewer people were above you to boss you around. He made himself a promise to never be the grunt again.

  This strong work ethic and attitude served him well throughout his working career.

  He got a degree in business from Baylor University and had a job lined up following his junior year after two summers of internship at the investment firm of DiLuciano, Dempsey and Leaf in Austin, Texas. He helped the big boys swing deals to buy and sell companies by exploiting their weaknesses and moving the right pieces into place. Despite his age and lack of experience he became a valuable member of the team, and upon graduation he actually had job offers from several investment firms. He decided to return to the place that gave him a chance after graduation and became a junior associate at DiLuciano.

  It was at DiLuciano that he met Stephanie, his future wife and Chloe's mom. At the time Stephanie was a paralegal for a company he had never heard of before—Riddell Industries. DiLuciano was helping a client merge its manufacturing operations in Mexico with a subsidiary of Riddell. Nate was assigned to the team, but again wasn't the lead representative. Stephanie was assisting the Riddell team. The attraction between Nate and Stephanie was instant. Maybe it was the late nights poring over legal paperwork or the complete lack of a social life for either of them; but they found something together that was passionate and uncontrollable, and for three weeks they were nearly inseparable on and off the job.

  When the merger was complete, Stephanie headed back to Dallas, and Nate reluctantly stayed in Austin, all the while hoping that something would fall apart on the merger so he had a good excuse to see Stephanie again. He missed the woman in ways he never thought possible. Nate had never felt this way about a girl before. Sure, he'd had some long-time girlfriends in the past, but nobody like her. He began to apply for jobs in Dallas almost immediately. He had to be near her. He didn't want to come on too strong and say he was moving there just for the relationship though. That kind of pressure could kill a relationship very quickly.

  At the same time, unbeknownst to him, Stephanie started looking for paralegal openings in Austin; but just like Nate, she didn't want to seem too eager. They were young twenty-something kids who just wanted to be together, but they were afraid to tell the other for fear of scaring them off.

  Fate intervened in the best way when Riddell posted a position for a business analyst to work on mergers and acquisitions, stationed in Dallas. It was Stephanie who actually told him about the job, "You know, if you're looking for something different," she said cautiously.

  The next year was a whirlwind. Nate moved to Dallas and started at Riddell. The couple began dating exclusively and moved in together. Nate proposed marriage on the one year anniversary of the first time they met. Stephanie happily said yes.

  The new power couple took Riddell by storm. With her knowledge of the company's political landscape and his willingness to burn the midnight oil, Nate was on the fast track to management and an executive position before he turned 30. They were happy but unapologetic workaholics.

  When Stephanie became pregnant with Chloe, the couple mutually decided that she would stay home to take care of the baby. Nate was making enough money to support them easily, but the change hurt them both. They were a power couple because they were together. Every day they drove to the office together, worked on the same cases and projects. They had lunch together. Then at the end of the day—or typically the early evening—they would turn off the office lights and drive home together.

  Once Chloe arrived, Nate was gone all day leaving Stephanie to do all the parenting alone. Nate knew that Stephanie understood why he needed to continue to keep up his long hours, but it was hard on the couple. The weekends, which were supposed to be filled with fun family outings, often ended up with Nate and Chloe at the house alone. Stephanie needed a break from the 24/7 job of being a mom. Nate encouraged her to take time to herself and she readily agreed. He was not resentful at all toward her for wanting some alone time. It would have been difficult to feel resentful, considering he had Chloe to keep him occupied while his wife was away. That girl was the apple of his eye and he enjoyed every minute of their time together.

  But when the weekends were over, Nate would trudge back to the office and Stephanie would resume her job at home. They weren't completely unhappy and they didn't fight, but the uncontrollable passion they once had to always be together was gone. It didn't mean that he loved her any less, far from it. It meant their relationship had matured and was getting stale.

  * * *

  The phone call came when Chloe was six years old. Nate was sitting on the front steps of their house watching Chloe run back and forth through a sprinkler he'd set up for her to splash around in. It was a typical August weekend. Stephanie was volunteering at a mini-triathlon in Arlington, while he and Chloe hung out at the house. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. The number appeared as unlisted, so he assumed it was a sales call of some kind.

  It wasn't.

  The caller identified herself as a fellow volunteer from the mini-triathlon.

  The vehicle came out of nowhere the volunteer said. A blue SUV. Stephanie was riding her bicycle in front of the lead pack of women running the 5k leg of the triathlon. She was riding out front to wave away spectators and guide the unfamiliar runners along the course. The SUV barreled through an intersection, striking Stephanie from the side in front of the horrified pack of runners and a crowd of onlookers.

  She was killed instantly. Nate was devastated.

  * * *

  Days later Nate threw himself back into his work and Stephanie's mother Margret, moved in to take care of Chloe. Within the year he rose to the executive level at Riddell and pushed his people like there was no tomorrow. He was demanding and effective, but not well liked. And he knew it. He changed after Stephanie died.

  He kept with the routine Stephanie had set up and chose to spend every weekend doing activities with Chloe, but during the week he rarely saw her at all, counting on reports from Margret or the school to keep him updated.

  It went on like this for years. Then one day four years ago he got another phone call. This time it was from his doctor. Nate was sitting in the Dallas airport lounge waiting to catch a flight to Spo
kane to have his first meeting with Amelia Cook about Mr. Z's Toys. But the doctor needed to see Nate right away. He postponed his meeting with Amelia for one day and headed to the doctor's office and into the unknown.

  Chapter 11

  Present day

  "I really appreciate you helping me out on this project, Marcus," Nate said as he held a level against a support post and adjusted the angle. They were standing at the base of the half-built deck.

  "I'm happy to do it," Marcus said. "It's pretty boring over at our cabin and Mom won't let me go to the park to play basketball anymore."

  "No basketball, huh? Why's that?"

  Nate could see that Marcus hesitated, like he didn't want to answer the question truthfully, or at least directly.

  "Oh, no reason. She just wants me to stay home."

  "I see," Nate said, knowing full well that Marcus was withholding something from him.

  "Is Chloe around today?" Marcus asked.

  Nate knew the real reason the boy was so eager to help him build the deck—he was after his daughter Chloe. Chloe at just 17 years old had already been forced to fend off many young and old male suitors. She was asked to the prom and homecoming by seniors when she was just a freshman. Chloe was a beautiful girl who, in his fatherly opinion, showed too much skin; but she was a good kid and looked so much like her mother it was painful. He and Chloe had a great relationship, but he wasn't always able to be there for her like he should be. He worked too much. Weekends weren't enough for a teenager. Especially one who'd rather spend her Saturday and Sunday with her friends.

  "Chloe is at the supermarket getting groceries," Nate replied. "We were running low on just about everything."

  Nate saw Marcus' heart sink at the news. Sorry kid, but not really, he thought.

  Bringing Chloe to Idaho this summer was not easy to sell, until he bribed her. She wanted to stay in Dallas and work at a water park to earn money for a car.

  "Spend the summer at our cabin on Lake Coeur d'Alene, and I'll buy you a car when we get back. But you've got to promise not to mope the entire summer. I don't think I can handle that."

  "So no job, but I get the car anyway? I just have to spend the summer at the beach in Idaho?"

  "That's the deal."

  "I think I can handle that," she said.

  After meeting Marcus on their first day she hadn't complained once. She even seemed excited about the next few months.

  Marcus and Nate were sinking decking screws into the first half of the base floor of the deck. They were both on their hands and knees. Marcus was holding the boards in place, while Nate sank the screws. Once that section was complete, they would tear down the old half of the deck and begin the process of setting the support structure and eventually the rest of the deck. They'd finish it off with a new railing, then they would stain it.

  "How come my mom hates you so much?" Marcus asked. The words were casual, but Nate was still surprised to hear such a direct question. Or maybe he was surprised by the word "hate."

  "I didn't know her dislike for me went quite that high," Nate said, not showing his surprise at the question. "She said she hated me?"

  "Well, not in those exact words, but she's normally really nice to people and she's not very nice to you."

  "I noticed that."

  "So, how come?" Marcus asked again.

  "We worked together for many years. We didn't agree on everything, but I think you'll have to ask her that question."

  "I did."

  "And what did she tell you?" Nate asked.

  "She said she didn't really know you, but the parts she knew weren't very nice."

  "That's a fair statement, I think," Nate said, knowing that Amelia really didn't know him at all. Their interactions were so limited, how could she?

  "Do you hate her?" Marcus asked.

  Nate sank the next screw, then set the drill down so he could look Marcus in the eye.

  "I do not hate your mother," he said. "Far from it."

  "She said you threw a tire at her. Did you?" Marcus asked.

  "No, I did not; but she's free to say and do whatever she wants. Always has been. We didn't quite see eye to eye on the tire incident."

  The two worked in silence for a bit longer, laying down additional boards and cutting them to size as needed to fit the structure.

  "Do you like my mom?" Marcus asked tentatively.

  "I think I already answered that," Nate replied evenly.

  "No, you said you didn't hate her. That's different."

  "I guess you're right," Nate said, but took a minute to gather his thoughts before continuing. "You know how your Mom said that she didn't really know me?"

  "Yes."

  "Well, I feel the same about her in many ways."

  "I still don't think you answered the question," Marcus said. "How can she dislike you so much and you don't feel the same about her?"

  "Fair enough," Nate said. "It's because the few parts about your mom I do know, are good, so my feelings about her are generally positive."

  "Then why'd she quit?"

  "Again, you'll have to ask her that."

  "I did," Marcus said.

  "Well, then why'd you ask me?"

  "I don't know, just something to talk about I guess," Marcus said.

  "What did she tell you about why she quit?" Nate asked. He asked this wondering if it was invading Amelia's privacy, but he truly wanted to know what she had said.

  "She said she wanted to spend more time with me and Susanna, which is why we're locked up in this cabin all summer," Marcus said. "She said her contract had expired. And she said her boss was a jerk and she couldn't stand it anymore."

  "That sounds about right," Nate said.

  "So you are a jerk," Marcus said bluntly.

  Nate didn't reply immediately because he knew what the answer was, but he didn't want to say it.

  "Sometimes, yes," he said. "I probably am."

  Marcus seemed to mull over Nate's reply.

  "Well, I don't think you're a jerk. And you've been my boss all day."

  * * *

  When Chloe returned from the supermarket, Nate knew it would be impossible to keep Marcus focused on the deck work, so Nate asked if Marcus would help Chloe bring in the groceries. The smile on his face was a mile wide as he hurried toward the driveway. It was about time to knock off for lunch anyway and Nate's knees were aching and his back was sore. He needed to take some Tylenol, eat and relax a bit before beginning the project again in the afternoon.

  While it was true that Nate had all summer to do the project, it meant that he couldn't use the deck during construction, which seriously limited the best feature of the place. The angle of the cabin meant the deck was the only good way to see the view of the water. From inside the living room he could see the side of Amelia's rental cabin, but that was about it.

  He sat down on the sofa and popped open a Sprite. The carbonated fizz filled his mouth and made his nose tingle. He sipped his soda and thought back to four years ago when the nurses brought him a Sprite and a stack of crackers after his first surgery. He'd never tasted anything as good.

  Chapter 12

  Four years ago, Dallas

  One day before Amelia and Nate first met

  Nate sat in the private office of his physician, Dr. Clinton Munson. The receptionist had ushered him into the office and asked him to take a seat across from the doctor's desk. A light drizzle of rain licked at the window outside the office and despite his nerves or possibly because of them, he focused his attention on the droplets of rain streaking down the panes of glass. He was alone in the room. His leg bounced up and down without any thought put into it by Nate himself. He sat and waited, and watched the rain.

  The doctor had made room on his schedule after giving Nate the ominous phone call the previous day while Nate was preparing to board a plane to Spokane. The doctor hadn't told him why he needed to see him so urgently, only that he needed to make an appointment as soon as possible. Nate was t
ransferred to the receptionist who said he could come in at any time the next day. The doctor would clear time to see him whenever it was convenient, she said. This comment made Nate nervous. When does a doctor clear a schedule for you when it's good news? The answer is—they don't.

  Clinton was only a few years older than Nate, yet he put off an aura of elderly sophistication. The flecks of gray at the man's temples aged him significantly, despite his trim physique. Clinton's office was just a block from the Riddell Industries building in downtown Dallas. A large fitness center was situated between the two buildings and both men had easy access to it. Often Nate would skip lunch and hit the gym or he would go into the gym during the pre-dawn hours before Chloe and her grandmother were awake to get a workout in before the day even began. It was at the fitness center that he met Dr. Munson.

  One early morning, Clinton needed a spotter for the bench press and Nate was the only other person in the weight area to do it. They struck up a friendship almost immediately and began to work out together a few times a week. The friendship even extended to their families. Chloe and Clinton's daughter would have sleepovers and go to the movies together. Clinton's wife was a very nice woman and she and Clinton were obviously happy together. The couple knew Nate was a bachelor and even tried setting him up on a few blind dates, but each time he declined gracefully, saying he just wasn't interested in a relationship.

  Nate looked over the pictures on Clinton's cluttered desk. There were photos of the Munson family at SeaWorld and golfing by the ocean. They were smiling and happy. It made him think of Chloe. What would she do if something happened to him? She'd already lost one parent. Would her grandmother raise her? Would that be any different than now? He wasn't around for her that much anyway. Always at the office or traveling for work. He didn't want to think about this, especially when he didn't know what his doctor was about to tell him.