Better Not Love Me Read online

  "Why are we here," Chloe said, looking at the dilapidated homeless shelter before them.

  Because I have a chance to save Mr. Z's, Amelia thought, and it all starts at this dump and convincing your father to care about it.

  * * *

  They surveyed the building and Amelia had to admit, it wasn't much to look at. The Annex was a faith-based transitional housing complex east of downtown Spokane. It was essentially a homeless shelter families could use together while they were seeking permanent housing and get back on their feet. St. Mark's Church, which ran the place, wasn't well-off and thus didn't have the funds to improve the building and its saggy roof, peeling exterior paint or cracked windows. Church patrons were more likely to be residents of the Annex, rather than donors to its cause.

  A middle-aged man and woman emerged from the double metal doors that served as an entrance and walked toward the group.

  Amelia couldn’t wait. She beamed a smile, bounded toward the couple and wrapped her arms around both of them.

  "Pastor Isakson. Lori. It's so good to see you again!" she exclaimed, after releasing them from her embrace.

  "It's good to see you too, Amelia," Pastor John Isakson said. "It's been too long."

  "I know, I know. I'm sorry."

  "No matter," Lori said. "You're here now and just in time. Who did you bring with you?"

  Amelia introduced Nate as her friend with no elaboration whatsoever, but she could tell by the smile on Lori's face that the relationship she was having with the man wasn't much of a secret. Nate introduced Chloe. Then the attention turned to Marcus.

  "You don't have to tell me who this guy is," Pastor Isakson said, giving Marcus a playful punch to the gut. "You're quite a bit bigger than I recall. I have to admit it. You're a full grown man now, nearly as tall as I am."

  Marcus stood a bit taller than he had been previously and gave the pastor a sheepish grin. It made Amelia smile.

  Marcus and Pastor Isakson had a unique relationship that started after Edwin died and the funeral was held at St. Mark's. The pastor had made it a point to spend time with Marcus over the months that followed. The conversations allowed Marcus to discuss his feelings, although he didn't share much. Just having the pastor there and active in Marcus' life was comforting to Amelia and she felt bad that they had lost touch over the last few years. Maybe if Marcus had a stronger spiritual guide, he wouldn't be such a handful.

  Amelia turned to Lori.

  "You said we were just in time," Amelia said. "Just in time for what?"

  "Let me show you," Lori said as she waved for them to follow her back to the building.

  The heavy metal doors creaked as they opened and the group walked in. Before them was a hallway that ran the length of the building. Dim overhead lights provided the only illumination. Despite being a bright summer day, no light penetrated the space as there were no windows for it to stream through. A little girl sat on her brother's lap on the concrete floor of the hall as he read her a story from a board book. She playfully tapped the pages as he read. They looked happy, but very much alone in the big hallway. The girl's clothes were too small and there were holes in the boy's shoes. Amelia avoided eye contact as they walked past and felt ashamed for it.

  The sounds of children playing and wooden chairs scraping on hard floors echoed around them as Lori led the group to an empty room in the back of the building.

  The room was the size of an elementary school classroom. The floors were bare cement while the walls were irregular wood panels that bowed out from the studs. Every 12 feet or so, a floor-to-ceiling two-by-four was attached to the walls. Between the boards were different paint colors in several shades of beige. Boards covered the large windows from the outside, so like the hallway, the room had no natural light.

  "This is our new nursery," Lori said, with a smile.

  "No way," Chloe said. "This is disgusting."

  "Chloe!" Nate snapped.

  "What? It is," she said. "Who would want to live here?"

  Lori held up her hand to ease the tension.

  "It's OK," Lori said. "She's right. Nobody would choose to live here."

  Lori took Chloe by the hand and walked her to one of the two-by-fours attached to the wall.

  "Chloe, can you stand here?" she asked. "And Marcus, can you stand over there at the other board?"

  Marcus walked over to the wall parallel to Chloe a dozen feet away. Lori then positioned Nate and Amelia in the middle of the room so the four of them formed a rectangle toward the middle of the space which represented walls that had been removed.

  "You four are standing in my house," she said. "For two years I lived in that exact space with my son Derek and daughter Avery. Six other families lived in the spaces next to us, in rooms the same size. We had lost everything and had no place to turn until the Annex took us in. It was not fun and, like I said, I would not have chosen to live here, but I didn't have any other options. Yes, I was embarrassed and hurt by living here, but the church helped me find training for a job. They gave me clothes so I could interview. And above everything else they helped keep my family together when we could have easily been ripped apart."

  "You also met me," Pastor Isakson said. "Don't leave out that part."

  "Oh, yeah, that," Lori replied with a chuckle, intertwining her hands with his.

  "I met my husband too, so I've got quite an affinity for this place, even if I would have preferred to have never needed to live here."

  Amelia admired Lori and thought of Derek at Mr. Z's. Neither Derek nor Lori had ever forgotten where they had come from and how they were helped. Derek wanted to pay back the kindness of the Kleins by helping keep Mr. Z's in business. Meanwhile Lori returned to the Annex as its director to ensure that other families got the help they needed.

  "I know it's not much, but we're doing the best we can for these folks," she said.

  "How many people live here?" Nate asked.

  "Right now we have 14 families, but 67 residents total," Pastor Isakson replied. "Of that 67, eight of them are babies which, as you probably know, aren't very quiet. We've been wanting to convert one of the rooms into a nursery for some time, but we needed to save up funding for the renovations. Thanks to the donations from Mr. Z's we were able to begin demolition on this space last month."

  "So, if you are all up for it, we were hoping you could give us a hand painting today," Lori said.

  How could she say no, Amelia thought? The group nodded in agreement.

  Lori asked Chloe and Marcus to help her bring in the paint, rollers and pans. Pastor Isakson excused himself too, needing to attend to one of the residents, which left Nate and Amelia alone in the drab room.

  "Donations from Mr. Z's?" Nate asked. "I thought I vetoed that program."

  "You did."

  "Then where did the money come from?"

  She ignored the question and readied herself to deliver the speech she'd been rehearsing in her head all morning.

  "The reason Mr. Z's Toys is beloved in the hearts and minds of so many people is because of giving," she said. "Each year the Spokane Mr. Z's gives away hundreds of presents to children in need. It's mostly around Christmastime. What I found over the years is that the more we donate, the higher our sales are. There isn't a lot of fanfare that follows the donations, but people know where they come from and they appreciate it. Customers return to the store, even if we aren't as cheap as the big box stores. They come back because it makes them feel good and there's nothing wrong with that."

  "Toys are one thing, but we're talking about giving company money to a homeless shelter. What's the connection?"

  "Yes, a homeless shelter that used to be the home of our store manager Derek," she said. "You see, the program that you vetoed would have allowed employees of each store to take a portion of the location's proceeds and donate them to a charity they selected. That sort of goodwill is contagious and could only benefit the locations by keeping employees engaged and even more willing to please customers
. And, in the end, sell more toys."

  "So where did the money come from if it didn't come from the store's proceeds?" Nate asked.

  "It doesn't matter. The point is that giving is at the heart of Mr. Z's and if the stores are going to be successful, then they need to keep that at the forefront."

  "So your business plan is to give away more things?"

  "Because that kindness is returned to us. I've seen it happen each year," she said. "It's not some crazy thing. It works for us."

  "And you donated your own money to the Annex after I vetoed the idea."

  She reluctantly nodded yes.

  "Like I said, it doesn't matter where the money came from," she said. "The Mr. Z's I envision is successful because of its good deeds at all the stores and keeping our employees happy and engaged. It's more than being a good corporate citizen. Doing the right thing is a solid business plan. You'll see."

  "You sound like you've got this all worked out," Nate said.

  "I wish I could say that I did. I can't do this alone, Nate. And I don't want to."

  They kissed and Amelia wanted to feel something, but it seem as though Nate was a million miles away.

  Chapter 32

  Nate handed Marcus a crowbar to wedge under the boards covering the outside of the new nursery windows. Marcus held it in place as Nate hammered the implement in, pushing the board away from the building. The two worked methodically board by board, slowly uncovering the windows of the room that would eventually become a nursery.

  Nate had grown to appreciate Marcus as a hard worker. The skills he demonstrated building the deck were evident again today.

  "Did you know this was your mom's plan?" Nate asked.

  "To trick us into hard manual labor? Not a chance," Marcus replied. "But she has a way of getting what she wants."

  "So I've noticed. Have you ever been to this place before—the Annex?"

  "I came over one time with mom before, but never went inside. It's pretty gross. I think it needs a little more than a coat of paint."

  Nate couldn't agree more. He could see that Pastor Isakson and Lori were doing the best they could with a limited budget. Tearing down the interior walls of the space and painting the outer walls would be an improvement, but it was leaps and bounds from what he would have imagined the ideal nursery would look like. Of course Nate had never been to a homeless shelter before and didn't have a strong reference point to determine if this was better or worse than anything else available.

  But one thing was clear, the people who ran the place were doing more than most. Maybe if they had more funds, it would be easier.

  Marcus was right about Amelia getting what she wanted. She obviously wanted Nate to see the impact of the donation program that he canceled. He was right to do it too. The stores were bleeding money and giving away profits didn't make any sense whatsoever. The almighty dollar reigned supreme at Riddell and he didn't see anything wrong with that. That was American capitalism. Heaven forbid that they take some of that money and give to those less fortunate. He wasn't sold on Amelia's plan to increase sales by donating more. He'd never seen any evidence that such a program would work. Riddell was a scrupulous organization, if there was some way to get more money out of people, they would have already tried it.

  Nate's thoughts were interrupted by two women walking toward them. One was a thin 20-something blonde who was obviously pregnant. The other was a teenage girl with messy brown hair, who couldn’t have been more than four or five years younger than the pregnant girl. She wore a purple hoodie, despite the heat. The younger girl's eyes were downcast. She didn't make eye contact.

  "Excuse me," the pregnant woman said. "Can you guys use a hand?"

  The woman's tee-shirt strained to contain her belly.

  "I wanted to help in the nursery, but I can't be around the paint fumes," she said, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand. "They said you two might need some help out here. So Denny and I thought we'd try to help. Sorry, I'm Gemma."

  She shook both their hands, then stepped aside for Denny to do the same. The younger girl didn't move. Denny? Short for Denise? Nate wondered.

  "Don't worry about her," Gemma said. "She gets antsy around new people. What can we do to help?"

  There were only three windows left to uncover. Nate and Marcus had a steady rhythm going and really didn't need any help, but Nate wasn't about to tell the woman that. She wanted to pitch in and that was admirable.

  "The windows we uncovered are pretty grimy," Nate said. "They could use a good washing."

  "I think we can handle that," she said.

  Nate sent Marcus inside to get a bucket of soap and water and some rags for the women to use. When he returned Denny retrieved a hose from around the side of the building.

  Marcus hid it poorly, but every chance he got, he was glancing toward Denny. Nate chuckled to himself. He thought Marcus had a thing for Chloe. But Chloe was his daughter of course, so he welcomed the boy's interest in the girl who wouldn't make eye contact.

  Marcus had suddenly lost interest is prying boards off the remaining windows. He and Denny walked to the far end of the building and started washing the grime off the newly exposed windows. Shy Denny was talking up a storm now. Nate couldn't hear what they were talking about but he could see them both smiling.

  He took the opportunity to take a break. He downed a bottle of water in the shade and stretched out his aching back. Gemma joined him. He gave her a bottle of water too.

  "Can I ask when you are due?" he said, nodding toward the woman's belly.

  "Last week," Gemma said. "Unfortunately, this little guy doesn't seem to want to start his life yet. I'm going stir crazy waiting and we'll probably induce labor in the next day or two if it doesn't happen on its own."

  "They probably told you to be active. Is that why you're helping the project today?"

  "Yes, that's part of it," she said. "Never in a million years did I think I would be living in a shelter when my baby was born."

  "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry."

  "Not at all," she said. "I'm kind of a walking advertisement for this place. Hard to miss."

  "How so?"

  "I'm from Spokane, but I was living in Oregon with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he wasn't as excited about this little bundle of joy inside me as I was. As soon as he found out I was pregnant, he broke it off; which meant I was completely alone in a city that I had no desire to stay in. So I came home. My parents didn't approve of my situation, seeing that I wasn't married to the jerk who knocked me up. So the one place I thought I could get help—my parent's house—was no longer welcoming to me. I bounced around staying with friends, but you know, things happen and for one reason or another, it just didn't work out."

  Nate listened, but inside wondered what kind of parents turn away their own child when she needed them most.

  "I met Pastor Isakson at St. Mark's Church. I wasn't much of a bible-thumper, but I guess attending services grounded me or something. It was good. He told me about this place and how they were even planning to have a nursery built, so I moved in about two weeks ago."

  "It doesn't look like the nursery is going to be ready in time," Nate said. "Unless you can hold out a while longer."

  "Well, that's not going to happen!" Gemma said, laughing. "I've got a quiet little corner now, with some other moms. They're nice people, so it'll all be fine."

  Nate had trouble imagining raising a child in this place, yet he felt blessed, but embarrassed at the same time, for how fortunate he was in life. Sure, he was a cancer survivor and he'd lost his wife; but Chloe was healthy, and he was always able to provide for her. They didn't have to face living in a shelter or rely on others to help. He worked hard and earned everything he had; but now, talking with Gemma, he felt guilty for not doing more to help others. He just hadn't put that much thought into it before.

  "So it's a boy?" Nate asked.

  "That's what they tell me."

  "Have you got a name picke
d out?"

  "I'm kicking around a few, but I decided that I'd like to meet this person before I brand him with a name for the rest his life."

  "Good thinking," he said. "How long are you going to stay here? Is there a limit on how long you can stay?"

  "There isn't a hard date. They're pretty relaxed about the whole thing, but to stay I have to show that I'm working toward finding a permanent place to live. I can take classes or show that I'm saving up some money. Stuff like that. It works out pretty good."

  "You seem like a pretty smart woman," he said. "I'm sure everything is going to work out great."

  "I hope so," she said. "I'm not sure what I would have done if Pastor Isakson and this place wasn't here to help me. Sometimes people come into your life at exactly the right time. You wouldn't know you needed them so bad until they were right in front of you."

  Nate looked through the window and saw Amelia applying paint to a wall.

  "Yeah, it's funny how people can do that."

  * * *

  Nearly half of the nursery was painted by the time the windows were uncovered and washed. The dingy room was transformed. It wasn't perfect, but it was looking better by the minute.

  "Nice work," Nate said to Amelia.

  "Yeah, I think this place is going to be pretty neat."

  The volunteer painters were just wrapping up for lunch. Lori brought in sandwiches from the cafeteria. They sat on folding chairs or on the bare paint-splattered floor.

  Chloe leaned over and whispered into her father's ear.

  "Dad, we need to get moving for your appointment," she said.

  He looked at his watch. They should have already left by now.

  He set his sandwich aside. He had no appetite to eat anyway. Something inside him was off.

  "Can I borrow your car?" Nate asked Amelia. "For Chloe's appointment? We'll be back in a few hours."

  Amelia's mouth was full, but she nodded her consent. What Nate didn't realize was that Chloe didn't whisper very quietly. And Amelia was now wondering why Nate needed a doctor's appointment.