Better Not Love Me Read online

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  "It's like he can't put into words the emotions he's feeling," she said.

  "So he's finding an outlet to express himself, even if that's getting into fights."

  "Right, but I thought bringing him here this summer would help," she explained. "I thought we could reconnect. I felt like a terrible parent for being away from the kids so much because of work. Maybe bringing them to the cabin wasn't such a good idea."

  "You're joking, right?" he asked.

  "No, I wanted this summer to be perfect, but the kids don't want to be here."

  "You have no idea how excited they were when they found out they would get to spend the summer with you," he said. "I know you were gone a lot because of work, but they understood why. I talked with them about it, because I wanted them to know how hard you were working and why. You're not making up for lost time with them, you're continuing to be the parent they look up to and aspire to be like. Don't sell yourself short because Marcus is having a tough go of it. That comes with parenting. We aren't perfect, but we're doing our best given the circumstances."

  She couldn't help it, tears welled up in her eyes. His words felt great. Like he actually understood her struggles and wanted what was best for her. If anyone should understand her it would be Josh, who had been at or near her side for most of her adult life. As these thoughts danced in her head, she realized she was looking down at her hand resting on the dock, but it wasn't just her hand, it was Josh's too.

  When had he placed his hand over hers? Was his touch so familiar that she didn't see it as too forward or inappropriate?

  She looked up at him and at his pale blue eyes, shaded by the brim of his dirty work hat. The stubble on his face was just enough. She remembered the feel of it and how the roughness would turn her chin red when they kissed. She unconsciously touched her own chin at the thought, leaving her mouth slightly open to help her breathe and slow the blood pumping faster now through her heart.

  Josh turned his head and leaned in, kissing her, the burn from his scruff feeling like a distant memory that had come to life. She kissed him back. Her heart pounded and she felt flush, but her mind didn't drift to memories of Josh, it danced back and forth between Josh and Nate. The familiar contrasted with the new. She couldn't do this, but she couldn't stop either. She didn't want to.

  But unlike earlier in the day when she was hidden under a tree with Nate and very much tucked away from the rest of the world, she was now out in the open at the end of the dock where Marcus or Susanna could potentially see them. What would they think if they saw their parents kissing? What if Nate saw? And that sealed it for her.

  She put her hand on Josh's chest and pushed away.

  She stood.

  "I'm sorry, I can't," was all she managed to say.

  As she walked down the dock she looked in the windows of both cabins, worried that she'd been seen kissing Josh. She was relieved to see the windows were clear. This could be forgotten, as it should be.

  "Wait," Josh said, calling after her.

  "No, I can't," she kept walking.

  "Not that. I'm sorry," he said chasing after her. "Marcus isn't the only reason I came here today."

  "Why then?"

  "Honestly, Marcus is why I came here. I . . . I'm not sure if . . ."

  He paused.

  "Just say it already, Josh. Why did you really come here?" Amelia was unnerved, but also verbalizing frustration in herself.

  "Derek, from Mr. Z's called me. He didn't know who else to talk to since you weren't around. Riddell is closing the Spokane store."

  Chapter 26

  Nate stepped back from his cabin window just as Amelia walked away from the man she was seated next to on the dock. Nate did not know the man, but there was a strong level of comfort between the two, that much he could see even in the distance. The way he held his hand behind her back to protect her from slipping on the ramp up the dock, this was a practiced move from a known entity.

  Before seeing the kiss, he convinced himself that the man was just a family friend or maybe even a brother or cousin, but those hopes were dashed by one kiss at the end of the dock. It was like he was watching it happen to someone else in a movie. Reality couldn’t be this cruel.

  Anger burned inside him. He knew that he should never have trusted his feelings about her. He should have just stayed away. He'd done a good job of it for many years, and now with the convenience of the woman next door, he'd let his guard down and let her in. He wanted to let her in. He wanted to experience her in a happy place. He thought that she felt the same. In fact he knew she felt the same. Until now. Until that terrible movie played out on the dock. He'd seen enough.

  He emptied the drawers of his dresser and tossed his clothes into a bag. He texted Chloe to come back to the cabin. He'd explain when she arrived. They needed to go home. This supposed vacation was ridiculous. A waste of a summer, stumbling through the awkward first steps of a relationship that never had a chance to get off the ground.

  He didn't want to think of his hurt feelings. He was a man of course, but why would she make love with him and then, not three hours later, kiss another man? He thought the connection was strong. What kind of person would do that? Not the kind of person he wanted. Not the person that would fulfill him. This was not who he thought Amelia was.

  Disappointed. He was tremendously, pit-of-your-stomach, down-in-the-dumps, disappointed.

  He flew about the cabin, locking windows and turning off the water and electrical systems. He'd send someone to winterize the place after he was gone. But he needed to go now. Head back to Dallas and start his life again. It wouldn't be so bad, really. Riddell would have him back. He had only been on a short sabbatical after all.

  There was nothing keeping him at the cabin. He was done. He wasn't sure if he ever wanted to come back.

  He heard the click of the back door latch. Chloe was home. Good. He needed to break the news to her right away. He stepped into the kitchen, ready to break the news to his daughter. She wouldn't be happy, but maybe after some time, she'd understand too.

  But it wasn't Chloe.

  The sun from the window shone brightly on Amelia's face. Her tears, glimmering in the sun. She looked frail and young with her arms crossed, clutching herself. Nate felt the instant desire to hold her, to sooth whatever had made her this way, but he resisted. He was confused too.

  "Nate," she said. "I need your help, but I can't ask you until I tell you what I did. And after I tell you, I'm afraid you won't want anything to do with me."

  Chapter 27

  Spokane, Washington

  Mr. Z's Toy Store

  Derek Conway paced back and forth in the small back office of Mr. Z's Toys. His path weaved through boxes of unopened merchandise. Trains, remote control helicopters, puzzles, foam footballs, art supplies and plastic dolls from the latest blockbuster movie had arrived days earlier. But a letter from Riddell Industries had also arrived. The toy store's parent company sent letters or emails quite often and as the manager of the store, Derek dutifully read each correspondence and complied with the instructions. Until today. He hoped he would never have to do what this letter requested, but he knew he had no other choice. It wasn't up to him.

  He had already tried to call his friend and former boss Amelia Cook, but she was unreachable after leaving the company a few months back. Her phone just went to voicemail. He tried showing up to her home last night, but she wasn't there either. A neighbor said she'd been gone for over a month. If only he could talk to her, she would know what to do, he thought. He even called Josh, who promised to pass along his message if he happened to see her, but that was a long shot he said. They weren't exactly on the best terms these days Josh told him. Josh explained that Amelia was on vacation with the kids for the summer and he didn't have any plans to see her. So that avenue was closed too.

  Derek heard the bell above the door jingle, which prompted him to return to the floor of the store. Betty, his part-time clerk, had already greeted the guest by
the time he had stepped onto the worn hardwood floor and through the antique shelves bursting at the seams with toys. Despite himself, he admired the mahogany shelves and recalled distastefully the long hours re-staining and polishing the shelves to a high gloss.

  "Our store is as much about presentation, feeling and nostalgia, as it is about our merchandise," Amelia had told him when he complained about laboring over the store's fixtures. "We're just caretakers of the legacy of this store, and it's our job to keep it just as it should be."

  As it should be . . . that's the problem, Derek thought. Those Riddell big wigs in Dallas want to take all that away. The letter said as much.

  Derek had been the Spokane store manager for nearly a year, but he'd been an employee for much longer. Years ago, when he was in high school he met Edwin Klein and his wife Mary, long before their story gained national attention. At the time, Derek was looking for a present for his sister, Avery, and found the perfect one at Mr. Z's. It was an easel for painting. She was a wonderful artist, who needed to be challenged and use professional tools to do it. The trouble was he didn't have the money to pay for it. In fact he didn’t have anything—no one in his family did. They were homeless and living in a shelter called The Annex. The Kleins had nothing to gain from helping Derek, Avery or their mother, Lori, but when they found out the family was in such need, they went out of their way to help and in doing so, changed the Conway family forever.

  Edwin and Mary found the Conways a beautiful condo in Brown's Addition. The plan was to let the family live there for a year while the owners of the building completed a missionary program in West Africa. The couple that owned building had rented out three of the units while living in the fourth. The couple was worried about leaving the fully-furnished apartment empty for a year until Mary offered them a solution that would both curb their worry and help put the Conway family back on its feet.

  That one year, turned into three years. Long enough for Lori to save a sizable deposit toward a small house. During that time, Derek took a few classes at the community college and worked at Mr. Z's part time when he was able. Derek was away finishing his degree in Seattle when Edwin tragically passed. Being away during that time was something Derek had always regretted. But he tried to make up for it by returning to Mr. Z's and working for Amelia.

  He knew Amelia was unhappy at the store and about how Riddell was running things. She worked so hard every day and was required to visit the chain stores across the country too. The happy, easy-breezy woman he had first met was long gone by the time she decided to leave the business earlier this year.

  Derek was the logical choice to run the store when Amelia left; and he was proud to take over. He didn't have the responsibilities that Amelia had once taken on though. He was only in charge of the flagship Spokane store, which was not just a retail outlet, but also a tourist attraction. People in town for a conference or a basketball tournament would always make a trip to see where "the much revered Edwin Klein" had worked. And Derek was proud to share stories about his friend Edwin and maybe sell a toy or two as well.

  Derek committed himself to carry on the legacy of Mr. Z's Toys. It wasn't about profit and greed. It was about helping bring people together. It was an old-fashioned notion, he knew that, but one he knew was right and good. After everything the Klein's had done for his family, it was the least he could do for them.

  So today, faced with the very real threat that all of that legacy could be taken away, Derek was at a loss. He couldn't believe it was over.

  Then the bell above the door rang again.

  Amelia was back.

  Chapter 28

  Amelia read the letter over for the third time. Her brow began to ache as she concentrated on the words and contemplated the letter's intent. Derek and Nate stood at the counter awkwardly eyeing each other. Amelia had chuckled at Derek's reaction to seeing Nate. For years the two employees shared a mutual distain for their boss. Derek did a double take, then threw Amelia a very questioning look as if to say, you brought the Dark Side with you? She didn't take the time to explain her change of heart about Nate, so it appeared Derek did his best to pretend he wasn't bothered by him. After all, Derek still saw him as the enemy, though he wasn't hiding it well.

  "So what do you think?" Derek asked, pointing at the letter.

  Amelia carefully refolded the letter and placed it on the counter. She took a deep breath and crossed her arms defiantly. She couldn't believe it. They were really closing the store.

  "I think that I screwed up," she said. "This never would have happened if I had stayed."

  Amelia had never considered her departure from the company as consequential. She simply abdicated her responsibilities with little thought as to who would take her place or what may happen to the business once she left. She immediately felt selfish for only thinking of herself.

  Nate, who had yet to read the letter, picked it up and quickly saw the problem.

  "So, it says here that Riddell wants to liquidate the store and sell the building, then focus their brand on the chain stores."

  "Yeah, those awful cookie cutter stores you made," Derek said to Nate.

  Nate ignored the dig. It was true that he was the driving force behind the chain store model, one that had succeeded in many other applications, just not Mr. Z's. It was a fundamental element of business in corporate America, simply replicate the same inexpensive model over and over again in different locations. A uniform design meant using the same materials which reduced costs and helped customers feel familiar with the layout since they would see the same thing each time they entered a store. Small things like square footage might change, but the basic elements were always the same.

  The Spokane store was always different from the chain stores. In fact, they looked nothing alike. This was always a sticking point with Riddell. Amelia had to argue for the store to go untouched and she'd won that battle because she refused to even entertain the idea. She had creative control over the Spokane location in her contract. But without a contract or a say, she was powerless. Riddell wasn't asking for a remodel, they wanted the Spokane store gone.

  "Why even call the chain Mr. Z's when the namesake store is gone?" Amelia asked.

  "I think that's the whole point," Nate said.

  "I don't understand," she replied.

  "This is a tactic during failed M&A—sorry, mergers and acquisitions," he said. "You gradually make subtle shifts in the acquired business that drive the results you want. It doesn't seem obvious at first to those on the outside, but over time it becomes pretty clear. In this case, they are driving the business under. They want it to fail. The five-year deal that Edwin signed has expired, just like your contract Amelia. Riddell doesn't owe Mr. Z's anything."

  "Why would they do this?" Derek asked. "This store is the whole reason the chain stores were created."

  "Yes," Nate said, "but it's not driving sales to those locations and it never has, so it's expendable. You've got to look at the entire chain, not one single store. The cost to run this location is ten times more than a chain store. Those are real dollars."

  "But if we fail, they all fail, right?" Derek asked. "There's got to be something we can do."

  Amelia was fuming. She had no connection to Riddell Industries. She already quit and left. And with that went all her decision-making authority, not that she had much to decide before. Nate dictated nearly everything. Yes, it was the flagship store, but obviously the fat cats in Dallas didn't care about that at all. They'd probably never even visited this place.

  The store could not close. There was no way she was going to let this happen. She wouldn't allow Edwin's store to be crushed, but what could she actually do about it?

  Nate was their only hope and she wasn't sure if he could even go back to Riddell again. He said he was on a leave of absence or sabbatical, but what exactly did that mean? Could he just make this go away?

  "Isn't there something you can do about this Nate?" she asked. "If you've seen this tact
ic before, then maybe you can get them to stop the nonsense."

  Chapter 29

  Nate looked at the signature on the bottom of the letter—Graham Barnes—his boss. If Amelia thought Nate was a pain to work for, then she would really hate Barnes, Nate thought. The man was a notorious blowhard who you wouldn't want to invite to your meetings because he'd monopolize the entire time telling exaggerated stories about "workin' in my daddy's oil field." He was an insufferable bore who had made a name for himself at Riddell in operations and logistics. He was sharp, no doubt about it, but he also tended to leave a path of destruction in his wake. This characteristic endeared him to other executives at Riddell. If you needed to clean up a mess or rid yourself of a problem, you called Graham Barnes. He wielded the ax with great pleasure.

  Nate had actually served as a buffer between Mr. Z's and Barnes many times. The man didn't have any affinity for the stores at all. Nate guessed that his disdain for the stores stemmed from a childhood devoid of toys and a loving family, although he had no evidence of this. Just pure gut instinct. Who dislikes a toy store?

  The fact that Barnes was leading the charge on this closure order wasn't good, but Nate wasn't going to tell Amelia and Derek that. Not yet. He didn't want them to know that the cause was most likely hopeless. If corporate wanted the Spokane store to close, they would get it. They had the right to direct any changes they wanted to their stores. Nate had even considered closure a few years back when margins got tight, but decided to give it a few more quarters to improve. It did improve, albeit slightly, and he never took any action on the closure.

  "Let me make some calls and see what I can find out," Nate told Amelia. He then stepped out onto the sidewalk to make the call.

  The truth was, months earlier Nate might have made the same decision that Barnes had made if the numbers worked. It was all about the bottom line at Riddell and it didn't matter what you had to do to get good results. The shareholders demanded performance, regardless of the method.