Better Not Love Me Page 11

  But the physical aches weren't enough for him to call it quits. That was expected at his age. No, it was another matter entirely that led him to the hospital, and he was terrified because of it.

  * * *

  Chloe parked the car at one of the surface lots and the two of them crossed the scorching blacktop to the glass doors of the hospital's main entrance.

  "You want to wait out here?" Nate asked as they entered the lobby area.

  "No, I want to go with you," Chloe said.

  Nate nodded in agreement, somewhat proud that his daughter was acting so mature. She was so much like her mother that it pained him. He wondered if she knew that. He should tell her, he thought, but this wasn't the most opportune time.

  After a brief discussion with the front desk receptionist, they headed down two long corridors before taking an elevator to the fourth floor. They didn't have an appointment and the waiting room was packed. Chloe found them the only two seats in the place, next to the bin of used toys available to distract children as they waited. Nate checked in and met Chloe at the seats, returning with a clipboard stuffed with photocopied forms asking about medical history and insurance. After signing his name seven times and putting his initials on nearly a dozen little boxes, Nate returned the forms to the nurse at the check-in desk and waited.

  Nate looked at the clock and realized he'd have to postpone his date with Amelia. He didn't know how long this would take, but he suspected it would be an all-day thing. He'd have a hard time explaining why to her, because he didn't want to tell her the real reason. Truthfully he wasn't really feeling up for it either. He wanted desperately to spend time with Amelia, but not the way that he was feeling. Not today. He wasn't sure what he'd tell her or when he'd be able to.

  "You're freaking me out," Chloe said, breaking a long silence.

  "Why? Because we're in a hospital?" he replied.

  "No, I've been in hospitals before. It's because you're not talking. If there's one thing I can always count on from you, it's that you are always talking. So when you don't, it freaks me out."

  "Sorry about that," Nate said. "I guess I'm just not chatty today."

  "I get it. I mean, we are in a hospital."

  "Most kids would like it if their father would just keep to himself and leave them alone."

  "Yeah, well, I'm not most kids, I guess."

  "No, you're not."

  He thought about telling her about how mature she had been. How he was proud of her, but thought that doing so in a hospital would send up red flags and he didn't want to worry her unnecessarily.

  "So let's talk about something, then," she said. "Something uplifting."

  "OK, you start."

  "Easy. Do you have the hots for Marcus' mom?"

  "You cut right to the chase, don't you?" he asked.

  "The way you two looked at each other through dinner last night was pretty obvious, so I'm just confirming a suspicion."

  "We worked together for a long time, so maybe that's what you saw."

  "Oh please, that wasn't it."

  "You're too smart for your own good."

  "You didn't answer my question."

  Nate thought about the uncomfortable question for a minute before replying.

  "Adults don't think along those same lines."

  "Dad, seriously? You haven't even dated anyone since mom and now you've got this hottie in the cabin next door giving you goo-goo eyes over dinner and you're telling me, adults don't think along those lines. So, to make this incredibly easy for you, let me just say that I think she's pretty cool."

  "I'm glad you think so. That means a lot."

  "So go for it, what's stopping you?"

  He fiddled with the hospital-issued ID band secured around his wrist. What was holding him back? How about the fact that he didn't know how much longer he'd be alive to see her.

  A nurse appeared in the waiting room and called his name.

  Chapter 22

  Amelia tossed a handful of diced green peppers into a skillet of scrambled eggs. The combination with some sausage, tomatoes and green onion was her go-to breakfast to deal with a hangover. But she did not have a hangover, just a disappointing pit in the bottom of her stomach from dashed hopes. She buttered several pieces of sourdough bread and placed them in the oven on broil. She was preparing food for the whole family, but it was only she and Amy moving about the house. It was just past nine o'clock.

  "Hangover breakfast?" Amy asked.

  "None other."

  She didn't want to talk about it. Amy knew that. And she knew better than to ask, too.

  Amelia was up with the sun, but didn’t roll out of bed for nearly an hour. She lay staring at the vaulted ceiling and exposed beams of the cabin. She should have known better than to get her hopes up. Why did she always do that? She believed Josh when he said he'd find a place for them in Reno. Was she dense? She also believed that Nate would make some romantic gesture to sweep her off her feet and make up for the past hazing.

  She realized how alone she actually felt. She'd been able to push it down for the last few years when Josh left. She worked too many hours in the day and she had the kids to think about, she had told herself. She didn't have time to find a man. And none had come calling for her either. It was OK then, because she was distracted. But today she wasn't just distracted. She was lonely.

  The eggs were burning. Amy tried to nudge her away from the stove. After Amelia's daydreaming couldn't be stopped, she just pushed her out of the way.

  "Earth to Amelia. Hello?" Amy said, moving the skillet to another burner. "How about I take over from here?"

  "That's probably a good idea."

  "And you've got a gentleman caller anyway," Amy said.

  "What?"

  "Nate is on the deck. He's been there for a few minutes. Just a guess, but I don't think he's here to see me."

  * * *

  "You have every right to tell me to jump in the lake," Nate said.

  "Jump in the lake, then," Amelia said.

  "OK, but I at least want to apologize first and explain, then you can decide for yourself if I should go."

  "OK," Amelia wasn't giving an inch.

  "Chloe had some sort of reaction yesterday morning. She was short of breath and wheezing. I'd never seen her like that before so I drove her into Spokane to the emergency room. They didn't admit her, but she was pretty spent after lying in the ER most of the day."

  "Is she all right?" Amelia asked, genuinely concerned.

  "Now, yes. They think it was a combination of allergies. She's spent her whole life in Texas. The dry air up here in Idaho blows around all kinds of stuff that her system isn't used to. They gave her some Benadryl, which knocked her out. The truck's a pretty rough ride too, so I just got us a hotel in Spokane so she could sleep it off. I dozed off too. By the time I realized how late in the day it was, I thought it was too late to call."

  Amelia considered what Nate said. She was a single parent too, and if one of her kids needed her, then she'd do anything to make them feel comfortable. She wanted to be mad at Nate, but she also understood that she may have done the same thing if it was she and Marcus or Susanna.

  "But she's alright now, though?" Amelia asked. "What did they give her?"

  "Just over-the-counter stuff. Nothing major. She's already got an inhaler for exercise-induced asthma, just in case. They said she could use that too."

  "If Chloe needs anything, you've got two moms over here who are more than happy to help," Amelia offered.

  "That's very kind," Nate said. Something about the way he said it made him look guilty, but Amelia couldn't figure out why. Maybe he just felt bad for disappointing her. "It's probably best that we not make a big deal of it. She's a little bit embarrassed."

  "Her secret is safe with me," Amelia said.

  "If it's not too late, I'd like to make it up to you for missing our date," Nate said.

  "Oh, and how do you intend to do that?"

  "That's a surprise
. Are you in?"

  Amelia didn't hesitate, she was excited at the offer.

  "Sure. I'm in. What are we doing?" Amelia asked, intrigued.

  "Like I said. It's a surprise. Wear your workout or running clothes. Sturdy shoes. And make sure to grab a sweatshirt or jacket."

  "It's going to be, like, 95 degrees today."

  "Not where we're going."

  Chapter 23

  The Route of the Hiawatha bike trail is a 15-mile stretch of some of the most beautiful country in the western half of the United States. The trail was originally a much longer route used by the Milwaukee Railroad for its journey through the Bitterroot Mountains from Montana to Idaho and places beyond. Trains operated on the route from the early 1900s until 1980. After a series of financial issues with the owners of the railroad over many decades, the tracks were essentially abandoned, leaving behind wonderfully scenic views from high trestles and flat, cleared terrain. It also meant leaving behind a useless path for trees and vegetation to grow over. Yet, someone had a better idea—open it to the public.

  The long-used tracks were removed and replaced with packed gravel. Of particular interest to riders is the very slight 1.3 percent downhill grade, meaning that a rider could start at a higher elevation and easily make their way down without too much effort. The biggest complaint of any newbie bike rider, of course, is that their rear end and quad muscles get extremely sore from peddling uphill. That's no excuse when riding the Hiawatha. You might still get sore; you'll enjoy the ride too.

  Today Nate was taking Amelia to the East Portal of the trail in Montana and beginning their bike ride back to Idaho at the completely dark, 1.6-mile Taft Tunnel under the mountains. The look of the tunnel and Nate's description of it did not make Amelia feel the least bit comfortable.

  "We're starting in there?" Amelia asked, when they pedaled to the mouth of the tunnel. Brick and concrete surrounded the entrance which led under the mountain. She couldn't imagine anyone voluntarily biking themselves into the abyss.

  "Don't worry, there's a light at the other end."

  "The light at the end of the tunnel? Cute," Amelia tried to be cool, but it wasn't working.

  Amelia was not a proficient bike rider, in fact when they arrived at the rental shop to get their gear, she thought that Nate was kidding. She played it off, but she was terrified, especially when the bike shop fitted her with a helmet affixed with a light—in the middle of the day, no less.

  "There are several tunnels along the trail, but besides being a little cold, they are actually pretty cool. The first one is perfectly straight all the way through," Nate said. "You said you wanted to do something fun. So, here we are."

  "I'm not sure if this qualifies," she retorted.

  "Not yet, we haven't even started," he said. "I'll make you a deal. If you enjoy yourself, you have every right to hide that fact from me, so I won't be proven right."

  Fat chance, Amelia thought. Her legs had already started to burn and they had only just left the parking lot. At that moment, a man towing a little boy in a bike trailer cruised passed her. The boy smiled at her. They quickly zoomed out of sight, obviously unafraid of the dark unknown.

  If that kid can do it, I guess I’d better try.

  Amelia decided to ignore her fears and welcome this new challenge as an adventure. As long as she didn't get eaten by a crazy tunnel monster, she'd try to have fun. She wasn't a wimp, at least she didn't think so; and she didn't want Nate to think less of her. So she put on a brave face.

  "OK, let's get this show on the road," she said, peddling past Nate and into the darkness.

  She was instantly hit with a blast of cold air. Even at a slow speed, the wind against her body was piercing, and she was glad Nate recommended a heavy sweater. She got goose bumps all over her body even as she began to sweat with the exercise.

  The sides of the tunnel were concrete and rock. She imagined the men who labored to carve this path through the mountain 100 years ago. What sort of horrible conditions did they have to endure? Long days. Explosives blasting a path. Manual tools. Months away from their families. Suddenly her complaints about Riddell and Mr. Z's didn't seem so bad. She certainly wouldn't have wanted to switch places with any of those men a century ago.

  Nate rode to her immediate right through the tunnel, never pushing ahead or making her chase him. He stayed with her, guiding her without saying a word.

  In no time at all they'd reached the end of the first tunnel and she had to admit, it was actually pretty cool—just like Nate said. But she wasn't about to let him know that.

  * * *

  Each bridge span was more magnificent than the last. It was as if her bicycle was a time machine, viewing pristine mountains and valleys untouched by man, except for the elegant spans of trestle bridges seamlessly rising from the depths below. She'd never seen the dark steel and wood structures up close. She admired the unique craftsmanship. The sun was bright and hot, so the cold wind in the tunnels was a welcome change.

  They rode in silence, only conversing to point out an interesting rock formation and several deer darting between thick trees on the side of the trail. Amelia appreciated the time together, simply in each other's presence that didn't require conversation, but that could only go so far when you're trying to get to know someone again. She needed to hear more from him. She needed to put together that puzzle.

  "You ready for a break?" Nate asked, right on cue.

  She welcomed the question to break the silence and the opportunity to rest.

  "That sounds good," Amelia said, happy her legs could ease up from their exertion.

  "Good," Nate said. "Because my butt isn't used to this much action."

  Amelia smiled.

  "Oh, come on, you don’t hear me complaining," she said, pleased to tease him and hide her pain at the same time.

  "Well, with a firm butt like that, you should be just fine all day," he replied.

  She blushed, flattered by the comment about her backside. But he was probably just being nice, she thought.

  They parked their bikes under the shade of a massive oak tree a few hundred feet off the main trail. The isolated trail they took wasn't matted down and it was not officially part of the public trail, but Nate seemed to know where he was going even as they moved further from the main path into seclusion. She was comfortable with him alone, but the location was almost too good to be true, which raised her suspicion.

  "Take girls here often?" she asked, as Nate pulled a small blanket out of his backpack for them to sit on.

  "All the time," he joked. "No, I actually asked the guy at the bike shop for a private place to stop on the trail and he told me about this place."

  "Well, you did good," she said.

  "Yeah, this is pretty perfect, isn't it?"

  "What's for lunch?" she asked.

  "Nothing special," he said. "Turkey sandwiches on whole grain wheat with hummus, tomato and sprouts."

  Amelia eyed him warily.

  "Really?"

  It was Amelia's favorite sandwich and it definitely wasn't a coincidence that Nate made it today.

  "How did you know?" she asked, unwrapping the wax paper around the sandwich.

  "You remember that Board meeting last year? The one at the W Hotel in Chicago?"

  "Yes, it was the last Mr. Z's Corp. annual meeting I attended," she said.

  "You ordered that sandwich for one of the working committee lunches."

  "And you remembered it? That's sort of stalker-ish."

  "Maybe."

  Amelia thought about that two-day meeting for a moment. She remembered that Nate had a healthy bronze tan. His shirts were well-fitted and he'd gained back the weight he'd lost when he was fighting cancer, which at the time she didn't know. Obviously that meant that his cancer had been in remission. She also remembered that, like usual, Nate had avoided her at all costs.

  "Why didn't you talk to me then? Not that we didn't talk at all. But why didn't you talk to me like a person—or eve
n a friend?"

  Nate finished his bite of sandwich before replying, which gave time for the question to sit in the air between them.

  "I wish I had, but I didn't know where to draw that line. And to be perfectly frank, I didn't want to be rejected either. I'd started down the path of repelling you for years and the idea of trying to get you to like me was very far from what I thought was even possible. I wanted to, believe me."

  "I wish you had tried," she said.

  "Me too. If I could go back and change it I would. I'm sorry."

  "Do you think we'd be here today if you hadn't treated me like crap?" she asked.

  "No, we wouldn't be. So I guess I did a good thing. Right?"

  "I guess you could look at it that way," she said without much conviction.

  "If I had hit on you at the hotel bar, you would have been grossed out. Agreed?" he asked.

  "Yeah, especially if you repeated my lunch order to me," she winked at him.

  "Hey, I was just being thoughtful," he said, sheepishly.

  "I know and I appreciate it. But I feel like we missed out on some significant time together," she said.

  "Me too, but we're here now, and we can make our own decisions going forward."

  "I'm glad for that," she said.

  She took a drink from her water bottle and swooshed it around in her mouth.

  "Take a drink of your water," she told him.

  "Why?"

  "Because when I kiss you, I don't want to taste your lunch, silly."

  She waited, somewhat impatiently, as he did as she had asked. Neither of them had eaten much lunch at all, but it wasn't lunch on Amelia's mind.